Cauliflower Rice with Hot Smoked Trout

It had to start somewhere… Monday night saw an omega 3, vitamin B12 and vitamin C rich dinner. Never thought I would type that sentence, ever. I did just spend a good 10 minutes googling the health properties of cauliflower, eggs, kale and smoked trout.

This is one of those types of dish that you make on a ‘we really need to eat more healthily’ whim and it’s not a bad dish, but I couldn’t eat it more than once a month. It’s all just a bit too good for you. If one of the elements was a little less healthy it would be a much more satisfying dish, hence my suggestion below of frying an egg in butter to add not just crunch, but happiness as well.

Yes I know cauliflower ‘rice’ is a naff, gimmicky and generally reserved for smug hashtag clean-eating promoters that everyone loves to hate.

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Cauliflower Rice, Smoked Trout & Kale Bowl
Serves 2

450g Cauliflower rice (around one medium cauliflower)
125g Hot smoked trout
1 tbsp sesame oil
4 large leaves of kale, stalks removed & finely sliced
2 eggs
1 tsp miso paste
1 Spring onion

To make the cauliflower rice:

  • Force your face into the smugest, healthiest #cleaneating position you can
  • Cut the florets off the head of the cauliflower and put them in batches into a food processor and pulse it a few times. Remember, with each pulse you must create a new obtuse smug and healthy hashtag or a clean eating fairy will die
  • That’s it. It will resemble mismatched rice. Deliciously Ella, The Hemesleys and countless others are trend setters because they pulsed cauliflower and came up with ridiculous hashtags. There is hope for us mere mortals yet

For the rest of the recipe:

  • Put the cauliflower rice into a non-stick saucepan over a medium heat with a tablespoon of water. Stir, and stir and stir until all the water has been soaked up / evaporated and the cauliflower is cooked
  • Stir through the finely chopped spring onion
  • Pop it in a bowl and set aside
  • In a separate pan EITHER
    • Boil a couple of eggs for 6 minutes so they are soft boiled and then plunge them into a bowl of iced water to stop the cookingOR
    • Fry a couple of eggs with a bit of oil / butter – this is the better option as the oil / butter will make the edges of the egg crispy so adds a bit of crunch to the dish, otherwise it’s all a bit denture friendly
  • Put the kale into the same saucepan you did the cauliflower in and gently fry it off adding the miso paste and sesame oil.
  • In your posh ramen bowls (everyone who has an Instagram account has one of these right??) place the cauliflower rice in the bottom, the kale on top taking up a third of the space. Then the smoked trout in another third and finally one egg per bowl however you cooked it.
  • If you have them a sprinkle of sesame seeds would be great on the dish.
  • Set in front of your husband and reassure him that he can have the leftover cottage pie with a heart attack’s amount of butter in that he was eyeing up tomorrow for dinner
  • Calmly work your way through it trying not to think about the better version you made six months ago with a crispy fried egg, wonderfully salty sautéed pork mince with chilli and ginger and some spiralised cucumber

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