How not to bake a whole cauliflower…

Well this is weird. Here I am, out of bed, showered, breakfasted and at my desk before 8.30am (well it was when I sat down). Ottilie’s got a cold which meant she snuffled and slept her way through most of yesterday and I assumed that would mean a terrible night’s sleep. But no. She slept from midnight through til 6.30am!!!! I woke up with my husband’s alarm and panicked, thinking the monitor had broken and she’d been screaming for hours, but she was still happily snoozing snottily. Consequently – I feel pretty champion today.

A world away from the black dog I just couldn’t shift yesterday. It’s ridiculous, I’m the one going on about fresh air and how it’s a gamechanger, yet on a beautiful Monday while I have builders and the house is a dusty mess; I’m the one who can’t bring herself to leave the house until the middle of the afternoon. I CHOSE to do the ironing, I faffed around and moved some piles of paper around all because I couldn’t face the outside world. It never fails to baffle and scare me what one or two too many nights with too little sleep will do to you – regardless how used to it I am by now.

Anyway, on a lighter note, last week I decided to attempt what should be a pretty easy thing of baking a whole cauliflower. Oh how wrong I was. That’s not to say it isn’t easy, I just totally ballsed it up.

How NOT to do it is below.

  • Carefully stir into a bowl of some Greek Yoghurt a delicate mix of spices that you have actually measured out for the huge success this recipe is going to be
  • Don’t bother to cook the spices in oil beforehand or anything – they’ll be lovely raw right??
  • Trim the cauli of it’s green leaves and gouge out its core.
  • Don’t bother to steam it, the Greek Yoghurt will cook it through – whatever
  • Plonk it on an oven tray and carefully paint the whole thing with your raw spice and yoghurt mix. Place in the fridge and forget about it until dinner time
  • Open fridge, realise you really should have covered the cauliflower so the whole fridge stinks of curry for a week
  • Read an online recipe that tells you to steam the cauliflower. Attempt a half-arsed steaming attempt in the oven with a puddle of water in the bottom of the baking tin (it doesn’t work)
  • Bake the Cauli for as long as you can stand it. Serve with some DELCIOUS fried shallot bits that you’ve sprinkled on top. By doing that you have almost litterally polished a turd.
  • Take one bite and realise the entire thing is raw, has the acrid taste of raw spices and all the moisture from the greek yoghurt has been lost into the heat of the oven and not into the cauli.

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